Short Story: Autumn

Autumn sat at the edge of the last table in the row in the dingy lunchroom. She wasn’t alone, not technically, but she knew nothing about the other people at the table. She didn’t speak to them, and they didn’t speak to her. It was as if they had this mutual, unwritten contract not to regard one another’s existence. Had the others chosen to acknowledge her, they still wouldn’t have known anything about her but what they could assume. They would see her mousy brown hair (that would ordinarily reflect the soft fluorescent lighting) tucked carefully into an over-sized hoodie as if it were body armor, and assume that she was anti-social and strange. They would see her bitten nails hastily moved from sight if she sensed eyes in her direction, and they would not see any form of curves on her completely enshrouded body. Her clothing made sure of that.
But, that’s if they even bothered to look. They still would have been wrong, but it would have been something. Maybe I am anti-social, she thought, but everything was different before Monica left. Things have changed since she went so far away from me. Her tone became bitter inside her head, and it saddened her, because she knew it wasn’t her Monica’s fault for leaving. It had only been a matter of time...
Her empty eyes roved across the room, seemingly searching for something, though neither she, nor anyone else for that matter, knew quite what that something was. Especially not the “guidance” counselor, who claimed to know her and her “issues” so well. She shuddered inwardly and took a bite out of the apple that sat next to a healthily-proportioned turkey sandwich. Reflected in the tumultuous gray pools set beneath her un-plucked eyebrows, the cafeteria appeared even more despondent than usual.
The brick walls were maimed by decades of boredom-driven students who had nothing better to do than dig at the corners of the red stones with their pens until they crumbled just a little bit more. The inspirational posters, though dog-eared and outdated, remained dutifully on the walls, portraying their messages of hope to the viewers, who couldn’t care less. Whenever anyone sat down or pulled themselves back to their feet, the benches announced the action with a tired moan and a characteristic creak. There were no longer windows to the outside, only cracked panes of glass that seem less transparent with each passing day. The custodians didn’t bother to clean them anymore – it was no longer worth the effort of trying to scrape the filth from the spider-webbing lines etched in by stray rocks or textbooks. Her aimlessly ambling eyes stopped to observe a nearby scene, where another girl was eating.
A boy entered the scene briefly, conversing with the girl before moving on to his own lunch gathering. He was new to the school, and girl’s all over Holkem High’s campus seem to swoon whenever they entered a 50-foot radius of his presence. As he turned from the girl’s table, his eyes locked with Autumn’s for a brief moment. She shuddered – she had a feeling that she’d met him before somewhere, and not somewhere pleasant. Yes, things certainly have changed since Monica had left. Since Jess had taken over the scene…
***
Jess smiled as she looked across at her friends at their usual lunch table. She gave her pin-straight, highlighted hair an extra flip as she pulled out her nearly calorie-free lunch. The flirtatious trick worked, and she congratulated herself as James gave her that smile of his – the one he only dished out for only a select few. She winked back. “You comin’ this weekend? My parents are still going to be in Aspen, you know, so it’s only gonna be, like, a few people…a little get-together, you know?” His answer came coupled with a soft chuckle.
“I get your drift, Jess, and I’ll be there.” She flashed him a blinding smile and swung back around in an impossibly graceful move. James walked away to his own lunch table, apparently marveling to himself how anyone could possess the ability to do that in a miniskirt.
“Ooo, Girls, did you see that? Ha ha! James is actually going to come! I can’t wait ‘till tomorrow night.” She giggled to her friends and waited for the praise that they would lavish on her after such a statement. “I’m so nervous though…seriously…what if I screw this whole thing up? I’ll never be able to face him again!” Again a rush of support poured from the group, and, for the moment, her butterflies settled.
***
Autumn glared at Jess from where she sat in her corner. James was all over her. No surprise there, though, that was so like Jess to just throw herself at any half-decent cest-pool of testosterone that shuffles by. Not that any of them were even half-decent anyway…
“It’s not her fault, she can’t help it.” Someone said softly as they walked by. Autumn’s eyes shot upward to identify the voice, but all she saw was their backs crossing to the doorway. Weirdos, she criticized. Who wears all white after labor day? Her shoulders lifted in an unconscious movement as she shrugged off the interruption and refocused on the brunette irritant that sat before her.
***
Jess managed to choke down the few baby carrots in front of her, before declaring she was simply too full to eat another morsel. She glanced towards the wall and when she looked back her friends had placed a turkey sandwich in front of her. “Oh, come on now, I ate your apple already, and now you think I can fit a sandwich in too? You’re nuts!” The girls across from her exchanged a quick look that suggested the phrase “isn’t that ironic?” before returning to the task at hand.
“Just eat it Jess.”
“Yeah, you’re already a size one, it doesn’t get any thinner than that.”
“If I get fat you guys - ”
“Trust us, you’re fine. Just eat.”
***
Autumn shook her head at the foolish girl in front of her, hardly believing what she saw. If she were any skinnier, she’d be transparent. And she doesn’t even see it. And all the guys still think she’s the hottest thing since sliced bread. She shook her head once more, as if to finalize the sentiment, and then bit into her sandwich. Mmm…She couldn’t imagine not wanting to eat a turkey sandwich, they were her absolute favorite.
***
James sighed and took his place at the staff table. “It’s so sad, you know? Autumn has been here for 2 years, and yet she shows no progression. It’s like she still has no idea that she has a problem at all…It makes me feel like all of this is so futile…this whole therapy thing, I mean.” The male nurse addressed his fellow mental health clinicians in a voice that could only be described as defeated.
“Does she still look confused when you don’t call her Autumn?” Another nurse inquired.
“Yeah, she does.” He answered.
“Poor thing, and her parents are always gone, too. At least she thinks they’re in Aspen instead of knowing she’s been abandoned.” The co-workers all nodded sympathetically and glanced back at the girl who was now sitting alone on the corner of a bench. Autumn seemed so small inside her medium sized hoodie. Due to her refusal to eat half of the time, the sweatshirt hung off of her bony shoulders like toilet paper from a the claws of a bare fall tree.
“Believe it or not, she did used to be worse than this.” An older nurse chimed in. “Have you ever heard her mention Monica? That was another one of her personalities…the poor dear..”
The collective sigh of the nursing staff seemed to mimic the sigh of the wind that crept along the building, leaping out unexpectedly from corners and causing the brittle leaves to jerk violently through the air.
***
Another sigh echoed through the lunchroom, one so downhearted that it sent a lonely chill down the emitter’s own spine. “When will this end?” Autumn wondered. “This crazy high school drama is getting too confusing for me.” She rose from her seat and shuffled her way towards the doors to the hallway. As she paused in front of the shiny aluminum trash barrels, the room’s harsh lighting caused her bracelet to glint its reflection onto the side of the receptacle. “Autumn Viner, Holkem Psychiatric Hospital, Room 374.”